Don’t Take Yourself Too Seriously

“If I’m not having fun, or learning anything, then I’d better be sleeping.”
- Dr. Paul Dobransky

The rain was pouring down as if a whole sea had evaporated then moved through the sky and decided to rain back down right in my city. I just came home from shopping, and the few minutes it took me to walk from the subway to my home got me pretty well drenched.

I had two choices. I could grab a quick hot shower, change into dry clothes, and enjoy listening to the rain. I kinda felt like doing that. Or, I could go back outside into the rain. I really felt like doing that.

For a few moments I struggled with thoughts like “Why the hell would I want to go outside?” and “What would people think if they saw me?”. Then I stopped myself. I realized all that’s just nonsense. And I told myself – “What the hell. I’m a man. I don’t need to have a REASON for what I do.“

So I went outside. The moment the rain hit me again, I felt fantastic. I walked to the park across the street, stood the grass, turned my head up and just enjoyed the rain splattering on my face. I opened my mouth and enjoyed catching the raindrops on my tongue. I felt fantastic.

Then I felt like taking off my shoes, so I did. I started running my feet through the grass, then running around barefoot, with rain pouring down all around me. I saw some people in raincoats walking a dog, and I just smiled to myself. I didn’t care what anybody thought about me. This was my reality. I felt like taking of my t-shirt and laying on the grass, but for some reason I didn’t. This “taking myself too seriously” is one hell of an ingrained habit. I also did some pushups in the grass and whatnot, did some more running around barefoot, and then finally went back home when I felt like it. Did I mention I felt fantastic?

You don’t need a conscious reason for doing what you want to do. You’re a grown man (or woman). You don’t need anyone’s permission. “Because I feel like it” is a good enough reason for you.

Now, I don’t do some things that I feel like doing, because I would overstep other people’s boundaries. I don’t play the piano at 2 in the morning, even though I’d like to sometimes. But there’s a difference between not doing something because you would harm other people, and not doing something because of what others might think about you. The former is good mature behavior. The latter is just letting other people’s opinion of you control you for no reason.

Now that I think of it, this might be slightly different for women. Women have a hard-wired biological need to belong. To be considered normal, or “part of the group”. Men don’t have that. Men instead have a biological need for freedom. So, if you’re a woman, this article isn’t really for you. If you’re a man – read on. (Update: As several women pointed out, I’ve been wrong in gender-stereotyping men as wild adventurers and women as calm and normal. Women are just as big freaks as we are . Cheers for enlightening me!)

Have fun

Ever watched children playing? They do all sorts of silly role-playing, they climb around in trees, they play some crazy games… and they absolutely don’t care what others think about that. After all, it’s okay for a child to be acting silly.

Well, it’s okay for you too. You create your own reality. You might want to read my guest article Whose reality are YOU living in? over at The positivity blog. In there I describe why I choose to be an optimist, and why it’s so awesome.

When you stop taking yourself too seriously, you can really have fun! Just get in touch with that creative I-don’t-care-what-others-think attitude. Just like a child, you simply do your own thing and enjoy it.

Whether I get out in the rain, get up to sing “I’m a Barbie Girl” at karaoke (I’m a man), or approach a group of strangers with a completely ridiculous “pick-up line”, I just stop caring what anybody thinks about me. It’s incredibly liberating, and great fun. And that’s what life is all about.

I touched on this a bit in my article Making work fun. There, again, I described how I sometimes make work fun for myself by spontaneously doing silly stuff. If you haven’t read it yet, do so. You’ll like it.

Stop taking yourself too seriously

When I was a kid, I used to build sand forts at the beach. One of my favorite things to do was to build a protected area close to the sea (“I can’t let any water get in here”), and then build in front of that to make sure waves don’t reach it. I would start at low tide, and as the high tide came in, it would inevitably break through, no matter how huge walls I put up in front of the protected area. It was almost like a video game!

Then I went through a period of my life when I didn’t build anything at the beach. I thought things like “I’m too big for that” and “Nah, building sand forts is not for me”.  Of course, those were just excuses. The truth was, at some deep level I thought I didn’t have the permission to be doing that. That people would consider me a small kid (that’s a big issue for a teenager).

Later I realized it doesn’t matter what others think. Today, even though I’m a grown man, I have no trouble getting down on my knees and building stuff in the sand. And when I see nearby kids looking like “wtf is that old guy doing, building a sand fort?”, I just smile to myself. Because I do things that I feel like doing, instead of taking myself seriously.

So how do you get this care-free child-like attitude?

The few rules of thumb are:

• stop caring what others (especially strangers) think
• do silly stuff just because you feel like it
• have fun

I’d also give you a few tricks or techniques… but thankfully that’s already been done. Check out Bill Beaty’s list. My highest recommendations (my favorite is “talking with an echo”). And, of course, you can do anything else you want. Just because you feel like it.

Cheers!