Ever noticed how looking at a happy face makes you smile?
That’s because in our brains we have so called “mirror neurons”. Basically, whenever you see an expression on someone’s face, these neurons automatically try to replicate the expression on your own face.
And once you have this expression on your face, it makes you feel the emotions the other person is feeling. Funny thing, your body… feeling a certain way makes you hold your body and use your face muscles a certain way. But it works the other way as well – holding a facial expression makes you feel the associated emotions. (For more fun uses of that, see my article on Body Language Basics).
That’s why being around anxious or angry people makes you inexplicably stressed. The mirror neurons in your brain just can’t help trying to replicate their facial expression, and that brings you stress.
But today we won’t focus on unhappy people. Let’s focus on you being happy and excited, and how that affects everyone around you 
How your smiling affects those around you
- your friends feel happier around you, and so want to spend more time with you
- you feel happy (need I say more?)
- you meet more friendly people…
About the last bit – if you expect people to be fun and interesting when you first meet them, you will naturally smile and be positive towards them. This makes them think you’re a fun person to be with, so they smile and laugh more. That in turn confirms your initial suspicion, so you start smiling even more as you’re with them.
Voila, just you met a fun interesting person, just because you expected them to be that way!
Smiling a lot gives you a permanent “friendly face”
Have you ever noticed how people who have been together very long (like 20 years) start to look alike? That’s because over time they use the same facial expressions, which lets the same muscles in their faces grow and others shrink.
Similarly, if you smile a lot, you will eventually get a permanent “friendly face”. You’ll get those little smile wrinkles in the corners of your eyes, and certain muscles in your face will become more prominent because you use them a lot.
People who look at your face will immediately get a gut feeling that you’re a friendly, trustworthy person. They probably won’t be able to explain why, or will say vague things like “she had a friendly face”. But we are all extremely good at recognizing facial features, and we’ll subconsciously get a good feeling about someone who’s happy most of the time – even if we can’t tell why.
Some fun ideas to try
You know how cracking a big friendly smile at someone just naturally makes them smile back? Try it with strangers on the street! It’s a ton of fun . It’s like happy elixir – you just create happiness out of nowhere.
Tim Brownson calls this a smile ripple. You crack a big smile at a complete stranger on the street, they just can’t help it but start smiling themselves, which in turn makes all the people who see them smile a little. A ripple of smiles spreads around you, like waves in a pond.
On a related note, the same works with high fives. When you put up your hand and just confidently say “high five!”, the other person will slap your hand about 95% of the time. Yes, even complete strangers. You can try it while walking down the street. Or, if you’re not that crazy, just try it in a pub. Walk up to a complete stranger, and just lift your hand and say “high five!”. I guarantee you’ll have a fun time from that, whichever way it goes 
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(Photo courtesy of fofurasfelinas.)
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{ 7 comments… read them below or add one }
Just thought I’d say, I approve of the cat pic. Every post is better with a cute cat.
There’s one more theory to that….. which goes as follows:
Happy people emit positive (waves of) energy, while unhappy people emit negative ones. The human aura is very receptive to such waves, and it is through absorption of such waves in our auras that we feel a certain way around a person.
Would love to know your thoughts on that.
Brian, there’s another cute cat photo here: http://sheilacrosby.com/animals/Kitten.php. Enjoy!
@Brian:
(=^..^=)
@Salman:
My mind is still open about the idea of mysterious waves of energy. I haven’t decided whether they exist or not, though I’m leaning towards yes.
I did a bunch of different eastern-type exercises that involve thinking about moving energy around your body, and it definitely produces results. So it works in some way, whether it’s moving mystical energy, or some other way.
Basically, I don’t know if the mystical energy exists. But if I assume it does and do stuff involving it, it definitely produces results. So for now, I assume it exists. (And the human auras and stuff – again, whether you’re sending out mystical energy, or people just read your facial expressions and body language, as long as it works, it’s all cool.)
@Sheila:
Awww!
Yeh, I’d be inclined to say that “auras” and “mirror neurons” are simply explaining the same phenomena from different explanatory stances.
(Or, for another kind of example, if we get some intuitive sense of what another person is thinking from the pheromones they emit, is that telepathy? I don’t see why we can’t say that, and say further that we’ve come up with a perfectly reasonable explanation for (that kind) of formerly seemingly supernatural phenomenon. I suspect that we are going to see a lot of scientific advances along these lines in the near future.)
Hi Vlad,
Thanks for your blog. I’m learning some very good stuff here!
I thought you might be interested in this recent article, “Is Loneliness Contagious?” Psychologists argue that it is.
Is Loneliness Contagious?
Your Lonely Feelings Can Drag Others Into a Cycle of Solitude, Researchers Say
By DAN CHILDS and LAUREN COX ABC News Medical Unit Dec. 1, 2009
Adding to what we already suspect about loneliness — namely, that it is linked to such problems as depression, suicide, alcoholism, drug abuse and other health issues — researchers now suspect that loneliness, like a bad cold, can spread.
“We have been looking at this topic for well over a decade,” said John Cacioppo, director of the University of Chicago’s Center for Cognitive and Social Neuroscience and one of the study’s authors. “Loneliness is a lot more serious in terms of consequences than people have thought.”
He said another misperception is that loneliness is always the result of isolation; in fact, it may be the other way around.
“Loneliness begets you becoming more isolated,” Cacioppo said.
Cacioppo was part of a team of researchers from the University of Chicago, the University of California San Diego and Harvard University who looked at the phenomenon. The researchers referred to data gathered from the mammoth Framingham Heart Study, which looked at thousands of people with the original aim of teasing apart the factors involved in heart disease.
But in this case, the team took a different angle on the data — they wanted to find out how those who frequently reported themselves to be lonely affected those within their social circles.
What they discovered was that those who are lonely tend to share their loneliness with others. Worse, these groups of lonely people can eventually slide to the very edge of the social networks of which they are a part.
The findings were published in the December issue of the Journal of Personality and Social Psychology. The current research is not the first look Cacioppo and his colleagues have taken at loneliness. A couple of years ago, they published research suggesting that lonely people have, on the whole, more negative social interactions with others than those who are not lonely. So these lonely people, Cacioppo suggests, will be more likely to interpret their social interactions pessimistically.
Loneliness is Actually a Bad Cycle
“If I’m treating you badly, you can tell me to go take a hike,” he said. “After time, as this happens more and more, I will be moved to the edge of the social network.”
But negative interactions, Cacioppo said, can be contagious as well as cumulative — and ultimately they can have profound effects on our position in society. The principle behind this contagious aspect of certain behaviors is known as the induction hypothesis. And Cacioppo said that judging from the results of the research; it applies to loneliness as well.
“When people feel lonely, they tend to be shyer, more anxious, more hostile, more socially awkward and lower in self-esteem,” he said. “That, in turn, induces other individuals to act in negative ways. … Emotional contagion could therefore contribute to the spread of loneliness to those with whom they interact.” Chris Segrin, head of the communication department at the University of Arizona, said these circles of friends on the periphery of social networks may also attract each other in a negative feedback loop of loneliness.
“You might think back to when you were in middle school and there might have been a group of social outcasts who hung out,” Segrin said. “They’re not brought together for some sort of affinity of each other; they’re brought together because they’re forced out by others.”
In that same way, Segrin said this new study shows lonely people tend to drift together in adulthood, too. However, rather than provide solace, Segrin said loneliness may beget loneliness.
“It’s called emotional contingent, where I catch your emotional state,” Segrin said. “If I’m hanging out with you and you’re bringing me down, maybe what I need to do is think about a new circle of friends.”
Segrin admitted that it’s easier said than done, but in light of the new study he thinks it’s only more evidence that lonely people need to take a chance with new faces.
“The lonely people might be trapped in this state of loneliness in part because of their social situation,” Segrin said. “It’s a matter of finding the wherewithal to take chances with people.”
Mark Leary, a member of the American Psychological Association, agreed that loneliness may beget loneliness, but said he doesn’t think that lonely people are aware of the slippery slope.
Falling into Loneliness: Accident or Not?
“I don’t think it’s conscious at all. I don’t think people say, ‘I’m lonely, people don’t accept me, to the heck with it all,’” said Leary, a professor of psychology at Duke University in Durham, N.C.
“What’s more true is that when people become lonely, they become somewhat more standoffish and distant,” he said.
According to Leary, laboratory studies have clearly shown that lonely people have more problems making conversation. They are often self-absorbed, speak only about themselves or limit their conversation to a narrow range of topics only they find interesting.
“They just don’t engage other people as much, they don’t inquire other people, they don’t follow up on what people have said,” Leary said. “Not only is loneliness contagious it’s also self perpetuating.”
In turn, the people in a conversation with a lonely person start to feel cold and turned off.
“I always hate to use that word contagious, but in principal, yeah it can spread,” Leary said.
So if loneliness does indeed spread, what can we do to keep it at bay?
Cacioppo said the answer to this may lie in changing the way we think about loneliness; specifically, he said we should view loneliness as a biological signal akin to hunger and thirst.
“We rely on others to survive and prosper,” Cacioppo said. “Loneliness infects you in a way to make you want to connect with others, but also to become socially very wary.”
http://www.abcnews.go.com/Health/DepressionNews/loneliness-contagious-researchers/story?id=9211377&page=1
@David:
Interesting, thanks for sharing!