Psychological Distance

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If you’ve ever taken public transport during a busy hour, you’ll know that you tend to stand very close to complete strangers. But it doesn’t feel weird, because although you’re standing 10 cm from the person in front of you, they’re facing away from you and never even look your way. Psychologically, they’re quite far away.

Now take a few moments to imagine they’re standing in the same spot… but turned towards you and looking straight into your eyes. How close do they feel now?

(really, imagine the scene)

Too close? Actually, way too close? Like, 2 or 3 metres too close?

The physical distance is the same in each case. But the psychological distance is very different. And that’s what I want to talk to you about today. What influences how “close” you feel to people (and certain events).

Visualisation

You’ve probably already heard that visualisation helps you feel happier and achieve more (in sports, and in life). By imagining success, you program your mind to seek that success and make it happen.

But many authors leave out that it’s not just about what you visualise, but how you visualise it. Here’s a story from Paul McKenna, a leading NLP expert:

A number of years ago an Olympic champion came to me who was experiencing a loss of confidence. His sports psychologist had told him to visualise winning the race as often as he could throughout the day.

Although he had imagined winning the race hundreds of times, he didn’t feel any more confident. In fact, he was now really worried about two other competitors. When I asked him how he imagined winning, it turned out he was dissociated, standing outside the picture. Esentially, he was telling his brain the winning was for someone else.

But when I asked him to think about the competitors who worried him, it turned out he was making big bright pictures of them looking confident and strong. I simply told him to step in (associate) to the picture of winning while taking the pictures of his competitors and shrinking them into tiny black-and-white images. He practised a few times until he could do it automatically. The next day he went out and beat his personal best in practice.

The athlete’s story shows an important point. You want to decrease the psychological distance from positive visualisation, and increase the psychological distance of negative visualisation.

To decrease the psychological distance, you can:

• step in (see it from first-person perspective)
• make the images brighter, more colourful, more vibrant
• make the images into a movie
• imagine powerful background music

All that increases the visualisation’s impact. There’s a reason why cinemas use huge screens and booming sound. It grabs you and pulls you into the experience.

Similarly, to increase the psychological distance:

• drain the colour from the images
• if you’re imagining a movie, freeze it on one frame
• shrink the image
• dissociate (see it from a 3rd person perspective)

Just try it a few times. You’ll be blown away.

Psychological distance from other people

When you’re talking to acquaintances, the key to keeping comfort is the psychological distance. You can vary the physical distance quite a lot, but the psychological distance is key.

The 3 main factors influencing psychological distance are:

• eye contact
• body orientation (Are you facing away towards them or away from them? Or at a 45 degree angle?)
• touch

For example, when you’re pointing out something cool to a friend, you will stand next to them, put your arm around their shoulder and point towards the cool thing. This is fairly comfortable, because you’re at a 90 degree angle to them, and not making any eye contact.

If you then want to talk to them again, you will need to take at least a step or two back to keep the same psychological distance when you face them and make eye contact.

Also, have you ever thought of someone as “creepy”? A creepy person simply pushes the psychological distance way beyond what you’re comfortable with. This might be a drunk guy getting in your face, hugging you by the shoulders and telling you random stuff. Or, it might be a creepy guy always facing your way and making incessant eye contact. Although he might be far away, the psychological distance is too small, and he’s making you feel uncomfortable.

Anyway, have fun using the ideas of psychological distance!

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