Self-Destructive behavior? Nah… there’s no such thing!

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I don’t believe in self-destructive behavior.

I know, I know… you can immediately point out some examples of self-destructive behavior to me. Like suicide bombers. Surely those are pretty “self-destruct”-ive! (Ha ha, get it? Self-destruct? Ha ha… no? Like… as in… never mind.)

No, even that isn’t self-destructive behavior. (I’ll explain in a sec.)

Your brain has evolved over millions of years. And all along the way, the whole point of your brain has been to help you survive. It doesn’t make much sense that the brain would suddenly turn on you and start destroying you just because it seems like a fun idea.

Every so-called “self-destructive behavior” has a positive intent behind it. Your brain wants to help you! When you see someone worrying, that means their brain probably wants them to be safe. A perpetual complainer wants something changed (though they’re not going about it the best way). When someone gets drunk, it’s out of a desire to belong, or to have fun, or to relax and forget about the worries of their daily life.

Even a suicide bomber isn’t being self-destructive. He honestly believes that by doing the right thing (by his definition), he will get a great afterlife. And an great infinite afterlife is very much worth sacrificing a finite life for.

In fact, this can be extended a bit:

Every action has a positive intent behind it

We humans are nice creatures. We never ever do something purely negative. There’s always a positive intent behind everything we do.

Unfortunately, sometimes we continue a behavior even though the original reason is long gone. Someone might whine and bitch when something’s not going according to their wishes, because that used to work when they were a kid. And even though it doesn’t work for them as an adult, they still continue doing it, even though there are MUCH better ways of getting their needs met.

So if you see someone (or even yourself) doing something “self-destructive” or just plain negative, the first question is – what is the positive intent?

Then you can go about getting rid of the self-destructive behavior. Simply get the positive intent handled in a different way. So if someone is, say, mortally afraid of flying in airplanes, that probably comes down to the desire to be safe. There are ways to make them feel safe even while flying (which is the logical thing to do, as it’s A LOT safer per passenger mile than even using a car.).

I won’t go into the details of how the major changes are done, because that’s the realm of psychotherapy and NLP, and it would take reading a dozen books and having years of practice to truly understand.

But on a small scale, you can apply this yourself! Immediately! Just realize that when you or someone you know does something “negative”, there’s always a positive intention. So figure out what that intention is, and see if there’s a better way to get that need met.

Cheers!

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Great news!

I’m going to start creating audio for my blog as well as text. And what’s a better way to start that than an interview with an awesome blogger!

Stay tuned, because in the first interview (coming this Sunday), I will talk with a guy who is not only a totally awesome blogger, but also has a dream job – helping improve other people’s lives for a living. That’s right, I’ll be interviewing a life coach!

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