Have you ever wanted to date a particular woman (or man), or get a particular job, but it didn’t work out, and you felt like crap? Rejected, or disappointed, or plain disemboweled.
Yes? Then you were suffering.
Suffering is burning energy on things you don’t control. And guess what – you don’t control other people. You don’t control the environment. So every time you wish for one particular outcome, you’re trying to control the uncontrollable, and suffering.
If you focus all your efforts on one particular woman, and she says no, you will feel that you have failed, and it will drain your energy and happiness.
Instead, focus on what you do control. You control your own thoughts, your own feelings and your actions.
To use intention, don’t focus on one particular outcome. Instead, figure out the general kind of outcome you want. The type of person you want to date. The kind of job you want. Then work towards getting that.
That way, when one person says no, you don’t worry about it, you just move on to the next one that fits your preferences. You keep your happiness and self-esteem intact.
That’s intention. Use it well.
{ 7 comments… read them below or add one }
Thank you for this article. I have been feeling down lately (suffering), because i have been trying so hard find not only work, but my place in the world. I do feel like i have failed, but will now be intentional. Thank you again
Very well said, Vlad
. I particularly like the part about having a general intention- there are many, many ways to win, getting fixated on an ultraspecific way of winning can A) make it harder to win, and B) make it more likely to fail. I also like the contrast between intention and suffering… that often is the choice, isn’t it.
I write fiction. I used to set myself goals for the number of stories to sell in a year, and I got very depressed when I didn’t meet them. In fact, I got too depressed to write. Now I set goals for the number of submissions to send out. That’s under my control. I feel better, so I write more, and I sell more.
@Kaycee:
Glad to help!
@Ben:
Yeah, I’ve also found that when you open up your mind, you get your goals met in the weirdest ways. (I think I experienced a bit of this during my “Yes Man” experiment)
@Sheila:
Great example, thanks!
Well said and you’re absolutely right. When we concentrate on the things we can control, then we have real influence over our lives and our outcomes. This, I believe, is where real satisfaction begins. Great post.
Hey nice one, Vlad!…. short and crisp….
@Lisa:
Spot on.
@Alok:
Sometimes I need to stop myself from droning on for too long. This time I simply said all I needed to and then stopped