Jump in That Lake of Fear

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The other weekend, I went to a lake with my girlfriend.

Being early summer, it was hot and sunny, but the water was cold enough to send goosebumps all the way up your spine to the top of your head the moment you dipped your toes in.

So we went into the water. As a typical showing off guy, I took a few steps and jumped right in. Ooh, refreshing!

Meanwhile, my girlfriend was taking the cautious approach. She walked until the water was up to her knees, then stopped, slowly getting used to the cold. Then she walked a bit further, but stopped when the water reached the middle of her thighs.

I was swimming around, encouraging her to get in faster, the water is great! But she wouldn’t listen.

(I also splashed her with some water, but that’s neither here nor there.)

In the lake, there was a floating platform, maybe a swimming pool’s length from the shore. I suggested we go on there, climb on the platform, and get nice and warm in the sunlight before swimming some more. But of course, we would first need to get in the water… and my girlfriend was still stalling that.

By now she managed to get up to her lower belly in the water, some 3 minutes or so after we first got our feet wet.

(She loves snails, so maybe she was trying to imitate their pace, or something…)

(Miri, if you’re reading this – :p )

Anyway, some 4-5 minutes after we first got in the water, she finally managed to get in and start swimming! But by now, both me and her were so cold our teeth started chattering… and we decided to abort the mission and return to warm, dry land. We would reach the platform another time.

An hour or two later, we made another attempt. This time I persuaded her to jump right in the water like me, and we swam and climbed up on the floating platform before even starting to feel properly cold.

…

This experience got me thinking of something I’ve known for a while, but never really thought about it enough to explain it to other people. (And in a moment I’ll make clear why I’m writing about this in the first place).

Basically, there are two types of cold, which I like to call relative cold and absolute cold.

Relative cold is what you feel when you put your hands in cold water, or when you step outside on a winter day. It’s the fresh, crisp feeling on your skin.

Absolute cold, on the other hand, is what you feel when you deplete your heat reserves, and freeze your body right down to the core. When your teeth start chattering, your lips turn blue, and your only thought is to find somewhere nice and warm.

And I see a lot of people entering cold water falsely think that you want to minimize relative cold.

You don’t. Relative cold is nice and fun. Sure, it stings a bit at first, but after a few seconds it feels awesomely refreshing, and you’re really glad you entered the cold!

And so they try to minimize relative cold, like my girlfriend entering the water. They enter slowly, getting acclimated to the water, making sure the difference in temperature between their skin and the water is as small as possible.

And by doing that, they deplete their heat reserves. Increasing their absolute cold.

And so the 5 minutes they spend getting in the water are 5 minutes they could have been swimming… but aren’t. They get frozen down to the bone, before even getting properly in the water, and have to get immediately out again.

…

And I believe this is analogous to confidence.

When you’re faced with a scary situation, you can either approach it slowly, try to talk yourself into it, hesitantly think about all the reasons for and against it… and end up chickening out.

Or you can take a deep breath and jump in head-first!

The people who always pick the second option don’t feel any less fear than you or me. The lake isn’t any colder for someone who jumps in head-first. In fact, the initial kick of adrenalin is slightly stronger (just like jumping right in a lake feels slightly colder… for about 5 seconds).

But they realize that approaching a scary situation slowly will only deplete your confidence reserves.

Sometimes, the fear will be too great and you won’t be able to jump right in. In that case you’ll just need to find a less scary situation to practice with first. (Analogous to finding a warmer like to jump into first.)

But in the end, building the habit of action, of jumping right in that lake of fear, will pay for itself a hundred times over. You will realize that facing a scary situation head-first by jumping right into it is like jumping in a cold lake – awesomely refreshing and fun!

(When I say “scary situations”, I mean situations where you logically know it’s safe, but feel afraid, as opposed to situations where you have a genuine reason to be afraid (like balancing on top of a moving train). Don’t do the second category – the fear is there for a reason. I go a lot deeper into how the different parts of your brain pull and push against each other in my article How to Conquer Fear. Read it.)

To finish off, give this a bit of thought:

• Where do you routinely take the cautious approach to conquering fear instead of jumping right in?
• Where could you jump in that lake of fear more often in everyday situations? Approaching an attractive stranger? Spontaneously standing up and giving a toast at a dinner? Suggesting some fun thing to do with your friends?

Imagine a few situations where you could jump right in, facing the scary… and promise to yourself you will do it the next time, and feel the amazing fresh crisp feeling of confidence flowing right in you!

Jumping in a lake of fear feels awesome (afterwards).