When I was 16, I got my hands on some “Enlarge your penis” e-books.

At the time, I didn’t know that penis size makes little difference to making a woman happy. And I never actually got around to doing any of the penis enlarging exercises in the books.

I did, however, do one of the exercises for improved sexual performance for a while. It’s something you will hear mentioned nearly every time when it comes to sexual performance, both for men and women. The Kegel exercise.

(If you haven’t heard of it yet, click the link and have a read it. You’ll thank yourself later.)

The idea of this exercise is to flex and exercise your PC Muscle. This is the muscle that stretches from your pubic bone to your coccyx (tail bone). It helps men control better how long they last during sex, it helps women have stronger orgasms (and even squirt), and it improves the quality of sex for both you and your partner.

The reason I’m bringing all this up is because of an interesting difference I noticed between two of the penis enlarging e-books.

They both mentioned this exercise, and emphasized that it’s one of the best things you can do for your sex life, more important than a big penis.

In the first one I read, it said that I should be able to flex this muscle and keep it tight for at least 15 seconds, ideally 30. I tried, and I could barely keep it flexed for 5 seconds!

“Phew, I really needed this!” I thought. “Thank God I came across this e-book!”

I felt a bit panicked and inadequate, but also really happy I came across this exercise.

But then I looked through another one of the e-books. It mentioned the exact same exercise. Except it said I should be able to hold the muscle squeezed for at least 5 second, or ideally 10 or more.

When I considered this as the baseline, I felt completely different. I felt comfortable. I knew it was something I could improve, but I was happy starting from where I was.

Two e-books. Describing the exact same exercise. Making me feel completely different, depending on where they set the standard for “normal performance”.

This is an extremely important life lesson.

If you set yourself high standards, you are setting yourself up to be miserable. This is because a “standard” is a minimum requirement. Do any less, and you fail, and feel bad.

Now, I don’t mean you shouldn’t have high goals. Quite the opposite. Shoot for the stars!

But don’t set your standards incredibly high. Because every time you fail those (as opposed to not hitting a goal), you will feel miserable.

It’s the difference between wants and needs:

• needs make you feel bad if you don’t achieve them, and feel neutral when you do achieve them
• wants make you feel neutral if you don’t achieve them, and feel good when you do achieve them!

You will probably spend most of your time thinking about your wants. But whenever you’re about to consider where you currently are, first think about your needs for a few moments. Your minimum standard. That way, you will be comparing yourself to the minimum required, rather than your hairy, audacious goals. And you will feel pretty good about your current situation, rather than always beating yourself up that you’re nowhere near your massive goals.

Keep your needs low and your wants high. And if everything else stays the same, you will feel much happier!

(image courtesy of Iggy)

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